A Quick Bite by Lynsay Sands
My rating: 2 of 5 stars
This story is marketed as being funny, light and cute. I prefer my PNR books to be on the dark and dangerous side, but I needed to read a "Q" book to finish the RRRC's A-Z Book Challenge and A Quick Bite was the only one I had on my TBR - for years, I might add - so I decided to finally give it a chance.
Lissianna Argeneau is a 202-year-old vampire who happens to be, gasp!, hemaphobic. That's not a good thing considering what she is. Concerned about her future, her mother Marguerite decides to give Lissi "the best birthday gift ever": Dr. Greg Hewitt, a 35-year-old psychologist who specializes in phobias. Marguerite is sure he'll be able to cure Lissi's phobia so she can leave a "normal" vampire life.
From the awkward moment they meet, Greg and Lissi feel attracted to each other, but nothing good can come out of it because (1) she's a vampire, (2) he's a mere mortal and (3) he'll have his memory erased as soon as he cures her phobia. Naturally, nothing goes according to Marguerite's plan, and Greg and Lissi find themselves running for their lives. But who's after them? Her wacky family? An unsuspected vampire hunter?
That wasn't a bad setup, but I'm afraid Ms. Sands didn't make it work for me. I didn't laugh at any of the attempted jokes, I hated Lissi's silly cousins (to the point that I lost track of who was who), I didn't care for the numerous one-dimensional secondary characters and I didn't feel any sexual chemistry between Greg and Lissi. They were both nice enough - well, they weren't annoying - but I didn't feel any love between them. They had a strong connection, I grant you that, but it only veered into the friendship zone - at least, that's how I felt.
Simply put, there was no character development in this book. Lissi was unbelievably imature for her age. I don't care if she was considered extremely young in vampire years. Come on, she was 202 years old! She should have been way wiser than she was. I just don't get it. Unless... Do vampire brains develop at a slower rate than mere mortals'? Does vampire blood affect their learning curve so bad that 200-year-old vampires act and talk like teenagers? *groans*
Greg was another "problem", as I couldn't understand his actions. He was kidnapped, tied up and left without food or water for hours, and took it all in stride. Sure, he had a hissy fit at first, but then calmed down and became the most complacent kidnapped victim of all times. Puh-lease! And when he found out that those deranged people who had kidnapped him were vampires, did he freak out? Of course not! He simply sat down with Lissi - actually, he was tied up to the bed, but at that point, he couldn't care less - and listened attentively while she recited History of the Vampires: Origin & Evolution. Gah!
To be fair, I thought the explanation for the origin of the vampires devised by Ms. Sands was unexpected and interesting, but I didn't like the way she explored that concept. When all was said and done, I got the feeling that the Argeneau vampires were just like any regular mortal human with a few enhanced characteristics to make them different. For a PNR, this book was the most un-PNR I've ever read.
So, as you might have guessed by now, I didn't like this book. It had some good parts - mainly when Greg and Lissi were on their own and away from her wacky family - but those few and far in between moments weren't enough to make up for everything else. Overall, this was a very disappointing read to me.
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